10) "Sorry, can't tell you... Because every person who's been in earshot of hearing this ends up dead, that's why... Fine, it's your funeral. Okay, so here's the deal..."

9) "I am so hallucinating right now... I don't know... three tabs?... Why, is that a lot?"... Holy crap, my phone's melting! Dude, I'm about to freak out!"

8) "Yeah, but you're a second cousin so I'm pretty sure it's legal."

7) "No, I don't mind singin' along.  Hell, I'm stuck with this other person in an elevator just waiting for the maintenance guy anyway... Okay... '99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!'..."

6) "For realz?... That's incredible!... So, like, the killer in tonight's big finale--the one everyone's been waiting for--is the guy with the neck tattoo?"

5) "Hey, I finally took the diuretic and I think it's kicking in."

4) "So my therapist told me to count to ten, breathe deep breaths and go to my happy place. So I went there. And took him with me... Yeah, got him tied up and gagged right now."

3) "It's just a fifty-minute quantitative theorem but here goes..."

2) "Just so ya know, I'm pregnant and you may be the father... It means you're in the running... It means, there are a lot of racers... It means--oh my God, it better not be you; you're so stupid!"

And the top ten half of a phone conversation you wish you hadn't heard:

1) "Hang on, I'm about to rob this person next to me."