10) Tell the cable company you're very interested in their deal but only if the salesperson allows you parking privileges in their personal garage. When they balk, say it's a deal breaker.

9) When your banker begins talking about the joys of reverse mortgages, tell her your time is worth $150 an hour. Then start your stopwatch.

8) Make 100 copies of that "$50 off" coupon your car dealership sent you, toss them on the service desk and tell them you want $200 worth of maintenance, the other $4800 in cash.

7) Take the offensive right away with the "So, I take it your parents are no longer speaking to you" line. Ya know... just to throw 'em off.

6) Initiate a 3-way phone conversation between you, your cell phone service provider and your cable company. Then hang up.

5) Make an appointment in person, drop less than subtle hints that you have a fatal disease and when they try to close the deal, grab their hand and mention just how contagious it is.

4) Tell the cable company you just rebooted and now everything's in Russian, so, yeah, you'll be paying them in rubles.

3) The next time your banker starts to sell you a "free checking for a year" plan you don't need, whip out a life insurance plan and bully them into a whole life policy with you as the beneficiary.

2) Stop them in their tracks, asking if they've ever participated in a hunger strike. Ya know... (see last line of #7)

And the number one tip on combating promotional offers:

1) When on the phone or in person, fake speaking Dutch; it always works!