TOP TEN TIP-OFFS THAT TODAY MIGHT NOT BE GOING AS WELL AS YESTERDAY

10) Pretty sure you weren't stopped by a state cop yesterday doing 80 in a school zone, the one that's charging double the regular fine due to nearby road work and then doubling that because, yeah, you're in a school zone.

9) Yesterday was your birthday with well-wishers everywhere. Today, nary a soul and the fact that you're a year older is really starting to sink in.

8) On the golf course you're two shots under yesterday's score... with four holes to play.

7) Yesterday you had a grand time, drinking like there's no tomorrow. Today you discovered there was and its name is Pounding Hangover.

6) There was no police lineup yesterday. No having to turn left and then right and repeat the words, "Don't move; I've got a gun".

5) Yesterday you had the song "Yesterday" stuck in your head. Could've been worse. Today it's that Orphan Annie tune, "Tomorrow"... See?

4) Your step count isn't even close.

3) Your favorite team was in the playoffs yesterday. Today they're hunting and fishing and stuff.

2) Yesterday you were mistaken for a movie star. Today, some guy at 7-Eleven asked you for the key to the men's room.

And the number one tip-off that today might not be going as well as yesterday:

1) Yesterday you had better things to do than check out this lame Top Ten List.