TOP TEN TIP-OFFS THAT YOU JUST MIGHT BE GETTING COMFORTABLY NUMB

10) It's been a while since you had any feelings in your extremities. Even longer since you knew where to look for them.

  9) Your idea of exercise is, just that... an idea.

  8) Nobody ever tells you to chill anymore; it's just too redundant.

  7) Lately you've been falling asleep at the wheel... of cheese.

  6) When asked about your future plans you offered a smile and a wink. People waited for more. They didn't get it.

  5) You keep having to be reminded to breathe.

  4) Your wine glass is a vat with a tube.

  3) A photographer for Ambien keeps hounding you to pose for their "after" picture.

  2) Pink Floyd constantly calls you for tips.

And the number one tip-off that you just might be getting comfortably numb:

  1) Your new easy chair has a bedpan.