TOP TEN TIP-OFFS THAT YOUR NET WORTH MAY BE ON LIFE SUPPORT

10) Every time you approach a money management firm they feign talking on the phone while putting up the "Closed" sign and shutting the blinds.

9) Your alma mater stopped hitting you up for yearly donations because they felt bad.

8) Lately the homeless have been giving you spare change.

7) When you asked your bank about their interest rate they quipped, "Absolutely none!"

6) Last tax season the IRS sent you a sympathy card.

5) While you do technically have two nickels to rub together, that's basically it.

4) You found $10 on the road and your net worth shot up 25%.

3) The last time you approached an ATM it told you to keep walking.

2) No one's saying you're worth more dead than alive but... yeah, actually, they are.

And the number one tip-off your net worth may be on life support:

1) Your credit rating is in the witness protection program.