TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE DREAMING

10)  Ask that talking cactus over there, the one tanning it up with the sun reflector under his stubbly chin.

  9)  You don't seem at all concerned as to what's for dinner.

  8)  You're attempting to do a Stevie Wonder song in a packed karaoke bar and the lyrics on the monitor are all in braille.

  7)  C'mon, when's the last time you've flown?  Ya know, without an airplane?

  6)  Just as you're about to receive a standing ovation for all your years of benevolent work for the disadvantaged?... yeah, your alarm goes off.

  5)  You hit the lottery big time and not one friend or family member has asked for money.

  4)  You just had a long, deep one-on-one convo with Elvis.  Granted, it was Elvis Costello, but still.

  3)  You never once reach for your cell phone.

  2)  You desperately need to use the restroom and yet every single one in the entire city is taken?

And the number one way to tell if you're dreaming:

  1)  What, never heard of pinching yourself?