TOP TEN TIP-OFFS THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE A NICE DAY

10) It hit you as soon as you woke up, the realization that you'd been sleep-walking the entire night, were now in an unrecognizably dangerous neighborhood and extremely cold 'cause, yeah, you sleep in the nude.

9) Expecting breakfast to be served, you got a subpoena instead.

8) You've been doing nothing but cramming your pie hole with non-dietary foods all holiday season and you pick this morning to jump on the scale?

7) You're not one to believe in omens but when that black cat crossed your path just as you accidentally walked under a ladder only to discover you car mirror was cracked really made you think. That and the flat tire.

6) You tried calling in sick today; your boss just laughed.

5) You finally hit the lottery!... Or at least you would have if you hadn't forgotten to play your numbers.

4) You woke up to the smell of burning toast. That and a burning bed.

3) You decided to start the day with an exercise regimen, ya know, until the hamstring incident.

2) To be woken up before sunrise with someone calling for you, middle name and all, on a bullhorn... by a SWAT team?... Yeah, nothing nice about it.

And the number one tip-off that this isn't going to be a nice day:

1) Your morning horoscope said "This isn't going to be a nice day".