TOP TEN TIP-OFFS THAT YOUR RETURN TRIP IS A BUST

10)  Halfway across the Atlantic, your pilot gets on the intercom, blaming his divorce for his sudden suicidal tendencies.

  9)  Your Uber driver, en route to the airport, pulls a quick U-ey to go back to his place ‘cause he’s, like, 60% sure he left the iron on.    

  8)  While in the TSA line, you realize your practical joker friend you were visiting exchanged your driver’s license for an “Honorary Mouseketeer Fan Club” card.

  7)  A loud flapping sound causes you to look up from your flight in the hot air balloon just as the pilot utters, “Uh-oh”.

  6)  You accidentally board a packed charter flight of hyper contestants heading for try-outs on “The Voice”.

  5)  You spend the entirety of your five-hour drive back from Vegas looking through the car seat cushions for gas money.

  4)  The TSA singles you out to partake in a public tasing demonstration.

  3)  That person you entrusted, and gave a hefty tip to, to get your bags to their destination turns out not to have been a skycap after all.

  2)  Returning from the Space Station, you think you overhear a muffled NASA voice whispering, “Houston, we have a problem.”

And the number one tip-off that your return trip is a bust:

1)      The airplane you’re boarding only has one wing.