TOP TEN TIP-OFFS THAT THE HOLIDAY SEASON MIGHT JUST BE A TAD TOO LONG

10) The last time you went to a mall and didn't see holiday decorations was early May, three-plus years ago... and then only because it was undergoing construction.

9) Santa Claus was last seen checking into the Mayo Clinic for chronic fatique syndrome.

8) The "Twelve Days of Christmas" song is presently being rewritten to accomodate the other 353 days.

7) The hottest items sold at this past year's summer carnival were candy canes and mistletoe with pine-scented Christmas tree air fresheners a close third.

6) "Black Friday" is now going by "Whenever".

5) It's now official: America's average yearly household budget for outdoor Christmas lights has exceeded Jeff Bezos' weekly allowance.

4) Social Services just raided a North Pole year-round sweat shop and are providing the elves with suitable foster homes. Meanwhile the search for the syndicate kingpin continues (investigators: see entry #9).

3) Rudolph and the boys are threatening to picket unless their "vacation time" and "sick days" demands are met.

2) The fallout from this overextended phenomenon is now affecting the arts, resulting in DIckens' "A Tales of Six Cities", Steve Carell's "The 53 Year-Old Virgin" and Paul Simon's "243 Ways to Leave Your Lover".

And the number one tip off that the holiday season might just be a tad too long:

1) Even the kids are like, "Can't we have just one off day to get our bearings?"