TOP TEN TIP-OFFS THAT YOU MIGHT BE DRUNK

10)  The slurred words, the clumsy movements and the inability to focus, while obvious symptoms, pale in comparison to the fact you've been in a heated argument with a store mannequin for the past half hour.

  9)  Every person you've met today, in no uncertain terms, has told you so.

  8)  You just attempted to parallel park... in your one-car garage.

  7)  Once again, you're on the floor, a crowd has gathered, and someone just placed a mirror under your nose.

  6)  The fact that you're here looking for guidance on this issue is a dead giveaway.

  5)  It's not so much that you sang totally off-key at the karaoke bar as much as it was that you were in the restroom stall at the time.

  4)  For a while, you were sure you'd left the house clothed, but now?... not so much.

  3)  Try as you will, you're unable to read this.

  2)  Your breathalyzer test results have a representative from the Guinness Book of World Records sniffing around.

And the number one tip-off that you might be drunk:

  1)  Read the room, you're in a drunk tank!