TOP TEN THINGS YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT TAKING WITH YOU

10)  That really hideous knitted garment you were so sure would win Best Ugly Sweater at the Christmas party, but instead just made everyone physically ill.

  9)  Any evidence that this whole earthly experiment was a success.

  8)  The soup ladle and potato masher combo that worked in tandem to constantly keep your kitchen utensil drawer from opening.

  7)  That inner peace that comes with knowing you've done everything to spiritually advance yourself in this lifetime.  Yeah, not even close.

  6)  Small bills.  In the end, they're just not worth the effort.

  5)  Extra napkins, 'cause you've gotta figure, wherever you go, they'll have some available, right?

  4)  That lingering thought that you were gonna make it really big on earth.

  3)  Your translator, because she's bound not to know whatever new language is coming your way and, also... 'cause she's not dead yet.

  2)  That lame Bucket List.  The one that had "Win the Best Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest" on it... twice!

And the number one thing you're definitely not taking with you:

  1)  Any semblance of a passing grade.