TOP TEN SUPER BOWL PROP BETS WE WISH WERE OFFERED

10)  Total amount of times members of either team rush en masse to the endzone after a great play or score to mime some kind of crazy scenario that none of us really gets. (Over/Under: 5:5)

  9)  The number of passes made by ballplayers on the sideline to the flirtatious women in the front rows. (Over/Under: 15.5)

  8)  The amount of time Jon Batiste will take to sing the national anthem, sit through the entire game, get a ride home and change into pajama pants.  (Under/Over: 4:45 hours)

  7)  After the game will Travis Kelce propose to Taylor Swift... that she go a little lighter on the garish red lipstick that totally gives him away after they've just made out? (Yes/No)

  6)  How many of the highly anticipated TV commercials start out kind of funny before fizzling out altogether? (Over/Under: 9.5)

  5)  How long before Chiefs QB, Patrick Mahomes, trying to induce a foul from the refs, flops in such a pathetically dramatic way that even LeBron James is scratching his head? (5.5 minutes)

  4)  How deep into the halftime performance before Kendrick Lamar suffers a wardrobe malfunction involving tear-away pants a fire extinguisher and a slew of circus animals? (Over/Under: 2:10 seconds)

  3)  How much time will it take an athlete from the winning team to credit God for the win? (7.5 seconds)

  2)  Total amount of concussion protocol evaluations issued during the game, including both teams' players, coaches, waterboys, cheerleaders and Taylor Swift's gang in the luxury box. (3.5)

And the number one Super Bowl prop bet we wished was offered:

  1)  Will the attempted pouring of a bucket of Gatorade on the winning coach accidentally result in the drowning of a sideline reporter? (Yes/No)