TOP TEN SIGNS YOU COULD REALLY USE A LOBBYIST

10) It might be the perfect solution to your age-old conundrum, "How do I finally get others to realize I'm this outgoing, lovable, take-charge success instead of just... 'The Dweeb'?"

9) Last week at a family wedding half your relatives thought you were their waiter, the other half tossed you their keys to bring around the car.

8) You've been finding it increasingly harder to get a table at a decent restaurant. Or even at home, for that matter.

7) En route to an out of town event you got lost, rolling down your car window and asking a young couple for directions. They gave you the once over, replying in unison, "Who has that kind of time?"

6) You attended a neighborhood block party and no one knew you.

5) It'll be great for you your psyche, ya' know, being able to financially help out a lobbyist during these tough economic times.

4) The holiday parties are coming and, who knows, maybe this could be the impetus to put you over the top where you finally don't have to don a Santa suit to to get others to notice you.

3) Not saying you're all around ratings approval is substandard but if you worked for Uber?... yeah, they wouldn't let you work for them.

2) You just finished redoing the living room in your spacious home and could really use a professional to help with your entryway (I'll give you a sec).

And the number one sign you could really use a lobbyist:

1) The fact that you've gone the whole Top Ten gamut from 10 to 1 and are still reading this?... Yeah, you could really use a lobbyist.