10) As usual you didn't put nearly enough consideration into them beforehand. Sorta like the time you thought you could complete that triathlon and had to be rescued 50 feet into the opening swimming competition?

9) So it takes less than a minute to backslide and each day contains 1,440 minutes so that's 525,600 for the year. Yeah, them's some long odds.

8) Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response is the definition of insanity, you crazy, deranged, psychotic nutcase!

7) The most committed you've ever been is the time you binge-watched three "Friends" episodes in a row.

6) You've already formed a contingency plan for when said resolutions seem totally outdated (say January 10th?) or not entirely well thought out (on or about Jan. 3rd or 4th?)... or just too darn hard (ya' know, come 12:01 AM, Jan. 1st?).

5) They're the exact same ones you listed the past ten years and did any of them ever have a chance?... Take your time; I'll wait.

4) They were made in haste, ya' know, just like your earlier plans to fly Southwest Airlines for the holidays?

3) No one's saying miracles don't occur. But when it comes to the really epic ones, like "the parting of the Red Sea", "Jonah and the whale" and you thinking you'll actually stick with your resolutions?... (yeah, see the #9 conclusion).

2) The one where you promise not to curse? ... what the #%#@! were you thinking?!

And the top ten reason your New Year's Resolutions don't stand a chance:

1) Because, admit it, in your mind they're already broken.