TOP TEN REASONS FOR GETTING COAL IN YOUR STOCKING THIS YEAR

10)  For that time the cashier accidentally gave you an extra twenty bucks and you smiled, saying, "Have a nice day", then quickly made your way out, double-checking that she really did overpay you.

  9)  Constantly cutting people off in traffic?... Yeah, there's a price for that.

  8)  You more than exceeded your allotment of snark this year.

  7)  For always telling the local Girl Scouts selling cookies that you buy all of yours from your niece.  Yeah, you have no niece.  

  6)  Your swear jar has enough dough in it to buy a new Land Rover.

  5)  Remember that morning when you woke up your spouse by bouncing up and down on the mattress yelling, "Earthquake!!"?... Yeah, that.

  4)  You just had to give that nun a piece of your mind, didn't ya?

  3)  No, you don't have to put money in the Starbucks tip jar, but you sure as hell don't get to take any out.

  2)  Because your shoe wasn't available.

And the number one reason for getting coal in your stocking this year:

  1)  Why should this year be any different?