TOP TEN NEWLY CREATED DISCLAIMERS

10)  Supermarket produce section: We tried our level-headed best to make this product look good on the outside, but what’s inside?,,, hell, that’s anyone’s guess.  You got a problem, take it up with nature!

  9)  Dog owners re: their pets: Just ‘cause I’m picking up your poop in no way means you’re the boss of me.

  8)  Re: overhearing mobsters talking:  If accounts and/or descriptions of this conversation are rebroadcast or retransmitted, we will whack you.

  7)  “The Bachelorette”: If by chance anything on this show even remotely resembles reality, then it’s pure coincidence and probably should be reported to the authorities.

  6)  Parachute manufacturers: If your ripcord malfunctions and you wish to take legal action, an arbitration process is available.  Providing you lived.

  5)  T-Shirt Cannons: It’s just for t-shirts, dummy, not vegetables or fruit or anything else that’ll make a mess or, like, kill people.

  4)  Re: doing business at the DMV: If you haven’t called in at work to take the rest of the day off, we advise you do so now.

  3)  Fortune Tellers: Just so you know, if I guess your fortune wrong and you try to sue me, I know I’ll win in court ‘cause, yeah, I’m a fortune teller.

  2)  Self-parking cars: Men, we are not responsible for the loss of your testicles; you did this willingly.  But just to be sure, check the glove compartment.

And the number one newly created disclaimer:

1)     This Top Ten List: At absolutely no point in time did I ever claim this was going to be clever or funny.