TOP TEN NEW NAMES FOR TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO

10)  The Land That Time Remembered: A more upbeat take on Edgar Rice Borroughs' novel.  Ya know, "The Land That Time Forgot"?... Just spitballin' here... C'mon, don't be so quick to dismiss; think it over.

  9)  Greenland II: Hey, it worked for the original snowy, glacier-covered island, right?

  8)  Attending a Sabbatical: Sounds nuts but it'll double the tourism rate once people realize it's the perfect response, without lying, to their significant others', "You wanna tell me where the hell were you all week?!"

  7)  Tobago and Trinidad: See what I did there?

  6)  Frankie Goes to the Caribbean: Everyone embraced it when he went to Hollywood; why not here?

  5)  All You Can Eat For $9.99: Never underestimate how many gluttons are willing to travel, at the drop of a hat, if the price is right.

  4)  The Country Formerly Known as Trinidad and Tobago:  Low hanging fruit, I know... Sorry.

  3)  Smoke 'em if You've Got 'em:  The perfect marketing ploy, the only destination that actually welcomes smokers.  In lieu of flowered leis, guests are greeted at the airport with a free carton of smokes!

  2)  The Doctor Said I Have Amnesia: (see # 8).

And the number one new name for Trinidad and Tobago:

  1)  Italy: It'll be fine; when it comes to geography people haven't a clue anymore.