TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR MISSPEAKING

10)  "No big deal, public speaking is like a friendly game of golf; if you mess up your first shot you just take a verbal mulligan."

  9)  "I'll stand by what I said, as long as you know... it was all sarcasm."

  8)  "Not my fault.  I was recently diagnosed with a combination Tourettes-Asperger-compulsive-lying syndrome... sonuvabitch!"

  7)  "I misspoke or you misheard?"

  6)  "Damn teleprompter guy, he's always getting me to say crazy stuff!"

  5) "Sorry, my bad."

  4)  "Hey, don't blame me, the damn sound system was so muddled I couldn't hear myself speak."

  3)  "C'mon, like you've never mistaken the word 'proven' for the phrase 'it might've happened'?"

  2)  "Dude, I was just riffing."

And the number one excuse for misspeaking:

  1)  "It's not misspeaking if I have alternate facts."