TOP TEN SOON TO BE RELEASED INTERNET MEDIA ARTICLES THAT WANT TO INCORPORATE YOU AS THEIR FRIEND

10) Our Tongues Are Completely Tied When Jeezy Coronates Himself as The Unqualified Best Artist/ClothesDesigner/Presidential Candidate and Purveyor of Modesty On The Planet.

9) We're Giving Each Other the Side-Eye at the Prospect of J-Lo and A-Rod Accidentally Bumping Into Each Other at an Ex-Couples Anger Management Class.

8) Harry and Meghan Are Contemplating Taking Up Pottery and We're Godsmacked!... No, Whatever That Means We're Really Serious.

7) There's Talk of Both a "Big Bang Theory" and "Friends" Reunion and We're About to Have One of the Outer Body Experiences That You've Read So Much About.

6) The Original Broadway Cast of "Hair" are Modeling Swimwear and We're Trying Not To Throw Up a Little Bit in Our Mouths.

5) Jeff Bridges Has Recovered From Cancer and We're, Like, Whew!

4) We're Like Totally Blown Away at the Thought of Brad and Jen Going Back in Time and Reliving Their Whole Crazy Marriage Again Only This Time Without the Breakup. And How Cute Would Their Kids Be, Right?

3) Martha Stewart Cooks Snoop Dog Breakfast and We've Got Egg on Our Face!

2) After Seeing Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Bumping Into J-Lo and A-Rod at That Same Ex-Couples Anger Management Class We're Looking at Each Other Wide-Eyed, Jaws Dropping and Leaving a Puddle!

And the Top Ten soon to be released intenet media articles that want to incorporate you as their friend is:

1) We're So Envious of All The Other Tabloids That Are So Much More Professional and Don't Include You In Their Titles.