Workin' Without a Net Here, People!

So, yeah, I'm doin' this, just jumpin' right in; no notes, no cheatsheet, no bullet points. Not a clue as to where I'm going. Just wingin' it here, folks. Flying by the seat of my pants. Nothing prepared. No pre-orientation, no early poll results, no sneak peek at what's trending on Google. No bullets in the chamber. No opportunities along the way to get a quick lay of the land. No shot at reading the room or taking the pulse of the audience. Cue cards will not be available and, no, calling a friend is not an option. There'll be no people on the ground relaying coordinates, sending in reinforcements. There'll be no second chances or second-guessing. No reconsidering. No fear, no how, no way. The bandaid has been ripped off. The die has been cast. My bed's been made and damned if I'm not lying in it. That's right, I'm putting myself out there, ready to suffer the slings and arrows. Prepared to shoulder the blame. Primed to bear the burden. I'm poised to do whatever it takes 'cause this is no dress rehearsal. This is the real deal.

Okay, I'll readily admit, getting through the first paragraph with no actual concept, while notable, is really the least challenging of the blog paragraphs, it's duty in most cases is to get your attention, usually through humor or a blending of off-the-wall, semi-clever scenarios painting a scattered enough picture so as to call on your curiosity and gently lure you into the piece. It's more or less a half-baked word salad aided by chicanery to lull you into going the distance, hoping for a payoff. Smoke and mirrors on the printed page, if you will. So, yeah, when it comes to the sobering reality that I'm now firmly ensconced in paragraph two, the one where I'm supposed to get to the meat and potatoes of the topic (hah, what topic?) and, no doubt, bring up why it came to mind in the first place, all I can think of is that this unplanned plan wasn't well thought out at all.

That said, here I am, paragraph three and, so far, unscathed. And no, I'm not being glib about it, it's just that I didn't think this far ahead (hell, I didn't think at all!) so really I'm more than a bit surprised that I haven't been picked up by the internet police for, I don't know... wasting everyone's time... biting off more than I can chew... impersonating a blogger? Although, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that, along with the obvious trepidation that accompanies not knowing what the hell's coming next, there is a certain satisfaction in realizing that I've slogged through the halfway point without once hearing the "Halt or I'll shoot!" line. That and a sigh of relief as this is usually the part where I have to do some digging to get the history of the concept I'm blogging about and, gotta tell ya, not my fave stage of the blog journey... On the other hand, it does go a long way in lending credibility to the piece. And, let's face it, now that the dust is starting to settle and we can make out the writing on the wall, that's something I could sorely use right about now. That and a tactful way to extricate myself out of this obvious fiasco.

Ahh, finally, the part where the rubber meets the road. Enough talkin' the talk; time to walk the walk (kinda knew all along this would be my Waterloo). Normally, this is where I'd take to task whatever topic was on the blog docket that day and offer up suggestions as to how to deal with it moving forward. Today, having let my ego run roughshod over generally accepted blogging principles there will be no walkin' to represent all the fast talkin'. No meeting of the rubber and the road, the wheels having fallen off long ago. Why I just blindly assumed I could barge right in with bupkis and somehow make my way to the finish line without being detected can only be explained as pure hubris. Ego run amok. Narcissism incarnate. And to that, I plead guilty as charged. If I was a comedian they'd be booing me offstage. If I was a soldier they'd be ripping the stripes off my uniform. If I was a convict they'd be flippin' the switch.

And so, the final summation: To expect that you can just jump right into a blog with no concept, no plan, no idea whatsoever, is a surefire recipe for disaster. There's no getting 750-plus words out of nothing. Can't be done.