When It Comes To Phones, Men Are The Weaker Sex
Note: I'm presently vacationing in Italy (just leaving Bologna for 4 days in Lake Como) so I'm recalling another 40-year-old piece from 1984 that I wrote for the Springfield Union, my hometown newspaper at the time, in Springfield, MA.
For younger readers, my preoccupation with virtually every woman's ability to talk on the old-fashioned phone while multi-tasking might not be relatable but for those of you nearer my age I think you'll concur.
When It Comes To Phones, Men Are The Weaker Sex
First, let me preface this article by saying that I believe men's and women's capabilities to be virtually the same. Be it their personal life or their career, the only differences are those of conditioning, not the effect of chromosomes.
Of course, when it comes to telephones you can throw that theory right out the window!
There is something remarkable about a woman and her telephone--a connection both physical and spiritual that men can't begin to fathom. How it started is a mystery but from the time Alexander Graham Bell received his first phone call, turned and yelled, "Honey, it's for you", the ground rules have been clearly laid out: Men beware--This is a Woman's Device!
Nothing brings the point home better than when watching a woman in action. Juggling the receiver back and forth, deftly employing the "no hands" maneuver while doing the dishes or preparing the kid's lunch makes Dr. J's magic with the basketball seem trivial.
What's more amazing, however, is how your little darling daughter is playing dress-up with her friends one day and the next she's employing phone technique like a seasoned veteran. They go from, "Dad, have you seen my doll anywhere?" to "Don't anyone touch that phone! I'm expecting a call from Biff."
How does it happen? I'm not positive but I think they attended clandestine seminars on the weekends supplemented by advanced secret tutoring from their mothers.
I guess what bothers me most is that I've always prided myself on being a pretty good athlete. I like to think I possess a certain amount of skill and dexterity. At least I did until the other day when making chicken soup, I decided to continue my work while taking a call.
I started off slow--a couple of slick hand switches with the receiver, not realizing as I walked around that I was getting myself irretrievably caught in the chord. As time wore on I decided to go for bigger things. While throwing the ingredients in a pot of water I went for the coveted "shoulder-neck hold".
I'll tell you one thing, those telephones are rugged. They've endured more crashes to the floor than I'd have thought possible. However, when it comes to being submerged in chicken soup they've met their match. Already entangled by the chord, it was easy for me to trip and fall.
Luckily, my neighbor (a woman) was close by and heard my screams. She rushed in, found the spare phone, hooked it up, and called the ambulance. She dutifully applied an ice pack to my injury. Then she dialed a friend, retrieved the drowned phone and, with the receiver firmly clenched between her shoulder and ear, continued the conversation and finished making my soup.
Next time I let the phone ring.