Third Blog: The Way I See It

You're thinking you may have a bone spur; you go to the doctor who pronounces you tonsilitis-free. On the ride home you spot a sign spinner advertising the Papa John's Non-Sandwich. At a red light, you notice the car in front of you has a bumper sticker proclaiming, "My Child Really Wants to Make the Honor Roll". You emit a heavy sigh shaking your head. Somehow you knew this day would come. What little sense life on this planet made would finally cease to exist. So now it's official; you're living in Bizarro World.

A bit over the top?... Total hyperbole?... Opening BS just to grab your interest? Yeah, sure. Whatever it takes. Bottom line: when it comes to a person's eyesight this is exactly the kind of doublespeak we've been forced to endure from the specialists we trust. For generations now, optometrists and ophthalmologists have been leading us astray, messing with our sense of all that is right and just. Collectively pulling the wool over our eyes.

Their stratagem is simple: if you're having trouble seeing things far away they label it "nearsighted". And by contrast, if objects close to your eyes are blurry, you're considered "farsighted". So instead of attaching an accurate moniker for your malady, these professional peeper people decide to go with, "Let's talk about what you're good at", forcing you to double back and realize the opposite of what they're saying is really the symptom here. Who does that?!

Indeed, using this far-fetched, cockamamie (yeah, I said it) logic, a person both nearsighted and farsighted, while sounding like they have perfect vision, would, no doubt, need the assistance of both a cane and a seeing-eye dog. Meanwhile, someone neither nearsighted nor farsighted, seemingly as myopic as Mr. Magoo (google it, Gen Z) is what... really good at seeing?... a masterful looker? A visionary?!

I know, I know; I can see your eyes buggin'. It's the kind of thing that'll keep a person awake at night. Luckily, retaliatory measures are available. I have a solution: Next time you're at the eye doctor and the receptionist asks if that'll be cash or credit just tell them you're suffering from "far-credit-near-debititis" then scribble out an IOU, toss it out the counter and be on your way.