The DIY Economy
Step right up, people, and witness the game of Middleman Musical Chairs! It's simple, really, just like the Musical Chairs game you grew up with as kids only with way more at stake. That's right, the losers aren't just tossed out of the contest; they and their box of personal belongings are escorted by security off the premises of their current workplace, their job just a faded memory... Alrighty then, shall we meet our players? First off, she's everyone's favorite Walmart cashier; please welcome Jenny Sloan!! And the man responsible for pumping your gas and checking your oil down at Tom's Service Station, Joey Falcetti! Okay, she's the waitress with the big smile at the local Cracker Barrel, Tonya Morris! And, finally, let's give it up for Clarence Boggs, the bank teller you can always rely on for your savings and checking account needs. And just to make the game more fun, instead of three chairs for our four players, there are none. Yep, you heard it correctly. Zip. Nada. Bupkis... So, let's cue the music!!
You're beside yourself, right? Who could ever be a part of such a sadistic activity?... Yeah, nice try, only you've been in the midst of this game for way too long to sell that notion. That's right, you're now the middleman doing Jenny's job, scanning and bagging your own groceries as the self-checkout AI voice announces to the world your purchase of that economy-size bottle of Kaopectate. And that's you at the service station, not Joey, a bit flustered, pushing the wrong octane button, your mind elsewhere, obsessed about not pulling out with the gas pump attached... again. Oh, and Tonya?... she's been replaced by you at the salad bar, desperately attempting to peer through an unsightly splash guard at what appears to be red onions (turns out it's beets), wondering if that's a bandaid in the Russian dressing (turns out it was). And poor ol' Clarence?... yeah, an ATM has his gig with you following the screen's directions wondering if that sleazy-looking mouth-breather behind you with the wandering eye and nervous twitch is packing... Ahh... progress.
So how did this even happen? Pretty quickly, and most of it by the mid '80s, actually. It's about then that self-serve gas stations made the scene, and while customers weren't happy, many opting to forego their years of patronage with their usual petrol pumps in favor of a neighboring full-service provider, it wasn't long before their choices evaporated with DIY becoming the norm. Right around the same time, salad bars started popping up and, amazingly, people embraced the idea with open arms as if getting to choose from a host of veggies somehow warranted their new "pro bono wait staff" position. You'd think that would've resulted in decreasing the 400% markup on wine, but yeah, it didn't. And, during that same timeframe, ATMs also became prevalent, but at least this self-service component came with a couple positives: it allowed customers to do business outside of the minimalist "banker's hours" and eliminated the stilted small talk with stodgy bank tellers (sorry, Clarence).
Okay then, so what's the verdict on those self-checkout grocery kiosks, the newest automated innovation, suddenly so accessible this past decade? Are they a fan fave because shoppers love nothing more than scrounging around for the barcode on each purchase, then having to type in and weigh all of their produce before taking on the grocery bagging chores (remember, folks, eggs on top!)?... Yeah, that's a big, fat "no". Funny, too, 'cause store management'll tell you this new technology's sole purpose is to help make your shopping experience as quick and easy as possible. They say this knowing they've got the one lone cashier camped out at checkout two. They say this knowing you'll receive zip... nada... bubkis for all your extra efforts even though their manpower costs have been greatly reduced due to your sudden internship. So, there it is, the fat cats get fatter and we pump our own gas, make our own salad, help out with the banking and bag our own groceries. Welcome, folks, to the DIY economy.
Indeed, the present slope we're on is slipperier than a greased pig on a water slide (that's gotta be a saying, right?). Where we go from here is anyone's guess but the next time you visit a service station be prepared to operate the lift to change your own oil and oil filter before doing that lube job. And while you're at it, you may as well rotate the tires, right? And would it hurt you to maybe stock a few shelves while you're in the supermarket? Hell, you're right there anyway. And making your own salad, sure that's great but grilling a few steaks and washing a few pots and pans?... even better. Better still, bring a corkscrew; open your own wine. Oh yeah, and the next time you're at the bank, ask around about Clarence, see if he's bounced back and found another job. Sure, he was boring, but deep down he seemed like a really nice guy.