The Brotha's Grim

Google did it. Amazon did it. So didn't YouTube... a bunch of times, actually. Likewise, the Italian luxury fashion house, Gucci, has been a wlling participant for more than a century. Even relative newcomers, Twitter and Uber have made the move. The same with the New England Patriots, Houston Astros and Golden State Warriors along with virtually any other professional sports franchise that comes to mind. And celebrities?... forgetaboutit, they've been doin' it faster than a speeding bullet for as long as Tinsel Town has been on the map. Whether it's a logo revamp, a uniform overhaul, tummy tuck or face-lift, everywhere you look people, places and things are getting a makeover. And it should come as no surprise. Not in this day and age when the human race, unable to sit still long enough to finish a book, is constantly jonesing for the next newest shiny thing only to quickly relegate it to the dustheap in favor of an even newer shinier thing.

Remarkably, with all that said, there is presently an entity, dating back to the fourteenth century, that has refused even a hint of modernization throughout the centuries, preferring to plod along with the same ol' get-up that got him here in the first place. That and his trusty agricultural hand tool invented around 5000 B.C. Yeah, this cat takes "old school" to a whole new level. The "if it ain't broke don't fix it" traditionalist. Talkin' the original gangsta of yesteryear. That's right, when it comes to stickin' to your guns, this man is the GOAT. And while sticktoitiveness is an often-admired trait it can become one's Achilles heel if today's playing field no longer resembles the original. That being said, my advice would be to take a good, hard, pragmatic view of the situation, evaluate the pros and cons, and at least consider a redo. It wouldn't be an admittance of poor performance. On the contrary, the original method killed. It's just that, the times, they are a-changin'.

So yeah, this is a nod to the Grim Reaper, the Dude in Black, the Last Man Standing in everyone's sightline just before their transition from mere mortal to whatever the hell happens next. He's a harvester by definition, thus armed with a scythe, enabling him to separate the souls from their bodies before acting as a guide in ushering them into the next realm. It's a daunting job with nary a day off and endless travel, devoid of even a modicum of appreciation or gratitude--not an "attaboy!" to be had. And the horrified reactions from his audience as they make eye contact just before "go time"?... that's no picnic either. Too bad, too, because in many cases he's performing a humane service in putting the infirm and suffering out of their misery, not to mention, trying to hold the world population down to a workable number. And yet, the man constantly gets a bad rap, something a makeover might just remedy.

Okay, so here's what we're workin' with: the consensus is he's donned in a long, tattered black cloak and always holding on to that scythe I mentioned earlier. And while no forensic sketch artist drawings of his countenance have surfaced, rumor has it there may be just an empty skull or even a dark void... Whoa, tell me this look couldn't use a little tweaking. On the upside, all-black works--it's classic, plus, ya know, the whole death thing--but the cloak's a deal breaker. An easy exchange?... the pulled-up hoodie coupled with an oversized baseball cap to retain concealment. Top it off with black skinny jeans and a pair of Air Jordan 4 Retro Black kicks and we're in business. And the blade, yeah, that's gotta go. Certainly, soul-separating in the 21st century can be done with technology, say a super-taser in the form of a sleek black iPhone? Oh, and the name? Sorry, but "Grim"s not getting it done. Maybe just "Reapa'". Sounds more positive, like a rapper with an uplifting message. 

So there it is: Grim 2.0 (aka "Reapa'"). Gotta say, I think this makeover has serious potential; the man's still dressed in black (only way more drip), armed with a soul-separating taser decoying as an iPhone, totally incognito with his pulled-up hoodie and pulled-down baseball cap; just another faceless person in the crowd. And the real beauty?... once word hits, people can chill out knowing that when their time comes it won't be some ghoulish figure with a black robe and long-handled blade out to get them; it'll be someone who looks like every third person on the planet. Your common, everyday dude. Someone you'd see at the laundromat or behind the counter at 7-Eleven. Maybe even your Lyft driver. Talkin' a win-win situation here. No downside in sight... Unless, ya know, once this new persona goes public, people everywhere, suddenly experience rampant paranoia over the realization that they're surrounded by possible Grim reapers at every turn... Yeah, there is that.