Take This Job and Pummel It

Right from the beginning you realized this job interview was different. And, yeah, not in a good way. Sure, the guy behind the desk seemed pleasant enough but the questions being asked, c'mon now, where does he get off? Stuff like: "How do you feel about putting in a minimum of eight hours a day, six, sometimes seven days a week for, say, the next four years before we even think about evaluating you?" And his intrusions into your personal life: "You realize you're gonna have to regulate your diet, right?" And let's not forget the ominous admonitions: "If anything happens in the next four years to you physically or mentally to impede your on-the-job training you will be terminated." "Your final evaluation--some 1,400 plus days from now--will take 45 seconds, tops, and if it doesn't go well you will be dropped from this program forever, possibly ostracized worldwide, and maybe even canceled for life."... "So, any questions?"

Oh yeah, you've got a question: "Dude, exactly how long have you been off your meds?!" And you'd be asking it as you got up and marched out the door you didn't bother to slam 'cause it wasn't worth the effort. And you'd be right in doing so as that's, like, a scene from Bizarro World. And yet, this recruiter wouldn't blink an eye 'cause, you see, he has more than his share of takers waiting in the next room for their shot. Hell, he's actually turning 'em away in droves... Ahh, you say, I get it, there's an enormous salary involved, right? Wrong. Other than personal expenses and meal allotments it pays zilch. But, to be fair, there is a three-tiered bonus system, the last known highest payout being $37,500, the next coming in at $22,500 and the last at $15K (and, no, I didn't accidentally omit a zero or two). Oh, and get this, it's not even yearly. That's right, you have to wait four years, ya know, until the aforementioned "final evaluation". And your chances of snagging one?... Somewhere between the "slim and none" variety.

Okay, having mentioned "four years" enough times--not to mention the hint in the bold-faced title--I'm thinkin' I've probably given away the recruiter in question ... So, yeah, if you haven't guessed, it's the Olympics, that five-ring, often inconsistent, sometimes scandalous organization responsible for showcasing waterlogged, massive-shouldered, chlorine-infected, shower-cap-wearing amphibious over-achievers by day, high jumpers, long jumpers, triple jumpers and even those being aided and abetted by poles at night. In between, we have people running and bicycling every distance imaginable along with the throwers of javelins, discuses, shots and hammers, those opting for balls: volley, basket, hand and soft. People on horses, ice, water, apparatuses and even trampolines. Even badminton!... So, yeah, doesn't matter how off the beaten track these contestants get; if he or she is best at it then, by gum, we're givin' 'em a medal.

So what, exactly, compels all of these athletes to endure such a lengthy, vigorous--many would even say "grueling"--practice regimen without any real compensation? Easy, the same thing that drives us all to tune in and witness the outcome: our innate desire to invest in the underdog. Talkin' classic stuff. It's David vs. Goliath. It's the tortoise vs. the hare. It's Big Pharma vs. the unwitting populace. The fact that these competitors are willing to invest everything in a dream, knowing that the rug could be pulled out from under them at any moment, is "Must See TV". Add in that it occurs as rarely as a Leap Year and that only sweetens the deal 'cause, let's face it, if these games were played weekly for 3 or 4 months like our regular sports they wouldn't get the time of day. You'd grab your TV remote in a heartbeat, trading in Water Polo for "Wonka", Judo for "Joker" and the Pummel Horse for, I don't know... just about anything in syndication?

But, hey, it's not 3 or 4 months, it really is just once every four years so let's give a shout-out to all those idealistic gym rats who dare to sacrifice everything for their dreams with nary a guarantee in sight, the whole time working without a net (except for, like, volleyball and tennis) as they stare down self-doubt. Props to all who take that broad jump into the unsecured future in search of greatness. Those venturesome enough to high dive into uncharted waters. The fleet of foot racing into the jaws of uncertainty without letup. After all, they are our proxies, the ones that allow us to bask in their reflected glory as we opt for the cozy route, playing it safe by taking over the family biz instead of following our muse. Rationalizing that business degree instead of pursuing a career in the arts. Making sure to use nothing but cash in every transaction so as to never leave a paper trail the authorities can track (sorry, was that just me?). In a time when money seems to dominate every conceivable decision, how refreshing is it to witness dreamers putting it all on the line?