Sorry... Don't Have the Bandwidth

Funny how different eras can dictate jargon.  Take a hundred years ago, for instance, "The Roaring Twenties", a time known for jazz, prohibition and flappers.  And cool lingo.  It wasn't until then that "baby" was used as a term of endearment for your significant other.  If something was excellent it was referred to as "swell" or "the bee's knees"; if it was nonsense it was known as "hooey" or "bunk".  If you were important you were a "big cheese" and if you were a spoiled rich person they'd label you a "cake-eater" (so, yeah, checking both boxes would make you a "big cheese cake-eater"}.  It was then that coffee got the nicknames of "Java" and "Joe", that people "necked" and made "whoopee", got the "heebie-jeebies" from someone creepy, "carried a torch" for someone they had a "crush" on,  And if something was easy it was "duck soup" or if it was really, really cool?... yeah, it was "the cat's pajamas".

Another era that had a lot to add in the lingo department was the 60s, the advent of the "counterculture", and with it, "hippies", all "having a gas"... or a "bummer" dependin' on if their "trip" was "outta sight" or "a drag".  Back when everything was "groovy", when just "rappin" with your "chick" was "far out" and you could "hang" in "cut-offs" and "flip-flops" cause there was nothin' to get all "uptight" about.  There were protests in the form of "sit-ins", "love-ins" and "happenings".  It was a time when you and your "old lady" or "old man" could "dig the scene" at a "flower power" demonstration or check out the "freaks" at the park, back when everyone was "toolin" or "truckin'" or whatever was their "bag".  Whatever was "cool".

So, yeah, while culture is obviously a major influencer when it comes to changin' up our vocabulary, there are plenty of other variables capable of putting new words into our mouths.  Innovation comes to mind.  Take Netflix for example, a subscription-based streaming service that changed the game by offering households the entire season of a miniseries all in one sitting,  thus introducing "binge-watching" into the vernacular.  Blending, too, can work; one day, motorists, looking for hotel-type lodgings on the road, are pleasantly surprised to discover "motels" making the scene.  And for those who can't choose between breakfast and lunch?... Voila!... "brunch" it is.  Oftentimes, new words are formed out of laziness by clipping them (shortening or truncating), causing a sentence like: "I saw an 'ad' for a new 'gym' in the 'hood' so I checked my 'sked' then got on the 'phone' to sign up for a 'sesh'.  Combine that with new technology and you have, "I took a 'selfie' with my 'iPhone' while doing 'reps' at the new 'gym'"... "Fab", right?

Indeed, technology plays a major role in bringing new words to the game.  Once a nascent field is accepted by the general public, its vocabulary, containing new labels for previously nonexistent concepts, becomes commonplace.  The internet is a perfect example, introducing "algorithm", "hyperlink", interface" and--a topic that's been dominating the news cycle nonstop-- "artificial intelligence".  But, I dare say, when it comes to all words computerese, nothing can touch "bandwidth", it's definition in IT speak being, "the maximum amount of data that can be transferred from one point to another over a computer network or an internet connection in a given period of time".  Simple, right?... it's about limitations.  Once the data level hits capacity, that's it.  Checkmate.  Game over... So what gives?  Why am I going ga-ga over something so seemingly black-and-white?... Because we humans have not only accepted this term, we've embraced it and, as per usual, made it all about us.

Finally, with the word "bandwidth", we've been handed the ultimate excuse that fits each and every "sitch", something we've been jonesing for since we first experienced consciousness.  Up until the advent of this term, we were forced to compartmentalize our reasons for why we couldn't do something, be it lack of time, empathy, patience, strength, stamina or just a general malaise over the present state of mankind.  But now, with this new word, we've got the perfect all-in-one excuse: "I'd love to help you move... pick you up from the airport... listen to your insurance pitch... accompany you to that quirky European movie with subtitles... talk you down from the ledge... blah, blah, blah... but I just don't have the bandwidth."  Brilliant, right?  No more explaining necessary.  All it took was all of us buying into the concept that we, like computers, have limitations.  Limitations that are inelastic, completely out of our control and therefore shouldn't be questioned... Damn, it's about freakin' time!...

Okay, so that was my initial reaction.  For a while.  Ya know, until reality set in and all the ramifications played out in the form of me being "bandwidthed" by both friends and relatives when I explained to them that my car was in the shop and I needed a ride.  Now, I guess the only thing to look forward to is the invention of some new technology that'll come up with a term that negates "bandwidth".  In the meantime looks like I'm gonna have to order an Uber; my "Lab" is at the "vet".