Pigs and Monkeys Flying?... Doubt It
Saying there are a lot of doubters out there would be a monumental understatement. Kinda like claiming Bill Gates has done okay for himself or that Honest Abe would've been better off not attending a play that night. Just how many disbelievers are we talkin' about? Enough so that if you threw a rock, you could hit one every time. Okay, a bit of hyperbole, but enough so you could hit 'em more often than not, even with just a so-so arm. And, in their defense, how can people not be leery; we're living in duplicitous times. Times armed with alternate facts, fake news and social media bots constantly bombarding us with seemingly unprovable scenarios carefully crafted to manipulate us into thinking either everything's just dandy or we're all going to hell in a handbasket. Times when Dickens' "Tale of Two Cities" opening salvo, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," somehow fits like a glove.
So yeah, there's no room for naivete today; it's a luxury we can ill afford. Something that went out with a flourish right after the 60s "peace and love" movement gave way to "the Stones at Altamont", the "Watergate scandal" and "trickle down theory". In its stead, skepticism, once looked upon as a bit of a negative party pooper, has become the de rigueur mindset necessary to keep one's rationality in these "constantly pulling the rug out from under us" times. Think of it as the ultimate guardian, an enforcer, if you will. Kind of like the high school prom chaperone who repeatedly thwarts the class clown's attempt at spiking the punch bowl with enough LSD to induce the entire gym--teachers and principal included--to moonwalk in unison when the DJ plays "Billie Jean" (could happen). Or, more succinctly, it's our last bastion of hope in maintaining even a modicum of sanity.
And while doubt seems ever more commonplace today, make no mistake, it has an enduring history, as in the bible verses relating to how a disciple, initially distrustful of Christ's resurrection, was permanently saddled with the moniker "Doubting Thomas" which most certainly killed any chance of him getting a call back for the role of Buddy in "Elf The Musical" slated for the Calvary Playhouse. Centuries before that, there was Socrates, the original skeptic, quoted as saying, "I know that I know nothing," which immediately got the upbeat Plato and Aristotle on board. Isaac Asimov, the famous science fiction writer, was a founding member for the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, while another noted author, George Orwell, questioned societal norms in the classic novel, 1984. And, lest we forget, the ultimate doubter, introduced to many of us in our childhood: Lippy the Lion's sidekick, Hardy Har Har.
For me, a measure of a notion's validity is just how prevalent it is in everyday speech, specifically how many different idioms it has under its belt. In that capacity, "doubt" doesn't disappoint, thriving in numerous categories. There's the highly skeptical, "Don't count on it", "Don't get your hopes up" or "Don't hold your breath" forewarnings. Then there's the "timetable/back to nature" examples: "When the stars fall from the sky", "When the seas run dry", "When the sun rises in the west" and "When the mountains move". And, of course, the "slamming the door shut" scenarios: "Not in a million years", "Not on your life", "Not gonna happen" and "Not a snowball's chance in hell!" And, yeah, I know these are just the tip of the iceberg but "fat chance" if you think I'm about to name 'em all.
Indeed, the idioms just mentioned have been around for a long time. Likewise, the phrase "When pigs fly", which actually originated in the early part of the 17th century but received an addendum, thanks in part, to "Wayne's World" flick in 1992. In the film, the phrase "Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt", used to portray abject skepticism, was quickly glommed onto by the younger generation, bringing "when pigs fly out of my ass" into vogue (my, how we've grown as a species).
All this leads me to my all-time favorite go-to disbelieving phrase. I'm talkin' a line from "Clueless", the groundbreaking coming-of-age feature from 1995, deftly capturing the Valley Girl persona. In it, high school student, Alicia Silverstone, after being pawed by an obnoxious male classmate, tosses him aside like a rag doll, uttering a two word, four letter exclamation--the most perfectly succinct "this ain't gonna happen"--expression of doubt ever conceived: "As if!"... 'Nuff said.