Life: A Six Step Program
(1) Gaining a Step: It all starts with baby steps, that magical moment when a child--a year old, give or take--having gone from crawling to a full stand, opts to throw all caution to the wind and venture forth on those tiny bootied feet into the waiting arms of his or her adoring parents. The huge smiles, wild gesturing and cheering from Mom and Dad act as the perfect catalyst to incite the infant to make the effort to close the short distance before tumbling into the sanctuary of their loving embrace, the scene repeated again and again over time, the child becoming bolder as the parents lengthen the playing field. Until?... it fizzles out altogether, seemingly replaced lickety-split by concerned, frenzied adults, searching the perimeter, attempting to childproof everything in sight as this once cute little tyke is rushing full bore into all things sharp, toxic and electrical. So, yeah, we're off and running.
(2) Stepping It Up: The kindergarten through elementary school years, fraught with skinned knees, bonked noggins, bloody lips and a host of other assorted boo-boos, all courtesy of an unbridled curiosity factor coupled with an energy level Exxon Mobil would kill for. The fact that Congress hasn't mandated an on-scene MASH unit to care for each and every one of these rug-rats borders on criminal. The only plus in that equation as that they're still low to the ground, their innumerable daily falls more a nuisance than any concern of bodily harm. Also important to note, this is the phase where the steps morph from physical into social. It starts with games like tag, hopscotch and hide-and-seek before wending its way into childhood crushes on that special someone sitting next to you in class. You know, the sole Valentine recipient garnering the card with the word "love" on it. And from there?... yeah, it only gets more complicated.
(3) Stepping Out: Ahh, those angst-filled teenage years, where puberty makes the scene, alerting the world as to which contestants inherited the physique and athleticism to warrant captainship on the gridiron and head cheerleader duties along the sidelines. The unfairness of life never so apparent as when the shiniest of the bunch are elevated to king and queen of prom status while the less fortunate scurry about looking for a makeover and possibly the name of a really good plastic surgeon for future reference. It's all about eating at the cool kid's table and concocting mad game for the newly burgeoning dating scene. And, hopefully, it's about discovering yourself: realizing your taste in music and the arts, finding your sense of humor and taking a stance on social issues. But mostly?... it's about tryin' to be cool.
(4) Stepping In The Right Direction: One long-ass step. Decades, actually, and chock-full of grownup stuff. There are career choices that may or may not involve college (and the staggering loan payments that ususally follow). Then there's marriage and family and mortgages and saving for the children's education. Not to mention, the mult-itasking of 401Ks and IRAs while attending PTAs. And dinner parties... lots of dinner parties. And for what seems like an interminably long time, you're your kid's own personal taxi driver. But with all of that comes the realization that you are at the pinnacle of your life, enjoying the wisdom that comes with maturity, knowing that, indeed, this is where you made your bones. And, yeah, it's also kinda your last hurrah, ya know, before the inevitable.
(5) Out of Step: Unfortunately, you never see it comin' and it's always someone younger who tips you off; something about your attire, your taste in music, your lack of social networking skills or your earlier reference to a an upcoming party as a "shindig" that produces a side-eye and an elbow nudge from the Millenials and Gen Z. These being the same peeps talkin' 'bout how much "rizz" they've got, how "kizzy cap" someone's story is or how they're so "stan" over someone's "drip" they be "trippin" while you stare down at your "dad jeans' and "boomer" kicks and realize you are totally not hip (and yeah, using the term "hip" should've been a tip-off). Dude, word is you're totally not "fire". And, fact is, you don't want to be 'cause you've "been there, done that". And if that phrase garners more eye-rolls from the youngsters than so be it.
(6) Losing a Step: And you thought that "(1) Gaining a Step" bit was gonna last (c'mon, there are no free lunches). Your existance is rife with examples: walking has replaced jogging; your slice on the links, while still there, is twenty yards shorter; you've traded in racquetball for pickleball; your once bustling nightlife has been replaced by Netflix, where your evening kitchen raids now end all too often with... nothing, 'cause, like, you forgot why you went out there in the first place. And while you've somehow grown accustomed to your memory playing tricks on you, you certainly weren't prepared for it suddenly not showing up... Damn, I had so much more on this. Probably should've written it down.