I Am AI as AI is Me and We Are All Together

Back a few years ago, during the writers' strike, I penned a piece entitled "Artificial Intelligence Wrote This".  Its intent was to prove that AI is a poor substitute for the creative mind of an actual living, breathing wordsmith.  To do so, I asked AI Story Generator to write my blog for me, the result being a lackluster piece completely devoid of irreverence, sarcasm and snark, three of my favorite things.  Since that was published, I've had to stare at a blank piece of paper some seventy-odd times trying to come up with something new and original for my bi-weekly deadline, and to be honest, some days can be rather daunting. Such was the case this week, only this time, in the midst of cursing under my breath and throwing stuff, I had a sudden revelation: AI's huge advances in the last three years, coupled with my now much broader, more varied blog portfolio provided me with a brand new opportunity; I could ask AI Story Generator to write a blog "in the style of Jim Guzzo's Cliche Snark blogs"... Whoa, some revelation, eh?

There it was: "in the style of", the four words that were about to change my life forever. How perfect, right?  I get AI to assume the essence of me, thus eliminating any talk of cheating or plagiarism.  I mean, think about it, I've already done all the heavy lifting.  I've written well over a hundred blogs on subjects ranging from the local Ice Cream Man's playlist to Trinidad and Tobago's enabling relationship to man's pursuit of becoming comfortably numb.  I've taken on charm schools, Taylor Swift, people who don't read, counter people who somehow think they deserve a tip, and the "Butterfly Effect" and "The Infinite Monkey Theorem" together in a special two-part blog.  I've run the gamut and now?... And now, I'm harnessing AI to write me some me.  Hell, I've got a style.  A type.  A brand.  So all I need now is to come up with a topic.  Ahh... let's see, April Fool's Day was a couple of days ago; AI Story Generator, write a piece in the style of Jim Guzzo on "April Fools Day in the Workplace"... And here it is.  Wow, didn't take me/AI that long, either: 

April Fools’ Day arrived like a well‑timed punch‑line at a dad‑joke convention—everyone was armed with “gotcha” props, half‑hearted apologies, and a collective belief that the universe owes us a day when “surprise!” is socially acceptable, so we all dutifully rolled out our most over‑caffeinated, meme‑laden schemes: “Your boss just added a clause that forces you to work on Saturdays,” “Your favorite coffee shop now sells decaf‑free espresso,” and the classic “Your Wi‑Fi password is ‘password.’” By noon the office was a battlefield of fake spider‑infested chairs, glitter bombs masquerading as budget reports, and a bewildered intern who thought “April Fools” was the name of a new HR policy. The climax? A heartfelt email from the CEO announcing that the entire company would be switching to a three‑day workweek—only to be followed seconds later by a GIF of a cat typing “just kidding.” As the digital confetti settled, we all silently agreed that the only thing more predictable than a prank on April 1st is the collective sigh of relief when the sun sets, because even the most seasoned pranksters know that tomorrow’s agenda is back to “just another day of pretending we’re adulting.”

Un-freakin'-believable.  OMG, that is SO me.  It was like when I was reading it, I could feel myself writing it at the same time. It's totally what I would've said.  Hell, it IS what I said, right?  In essence, it was me writing it. Me writing it in this all new, completely modern way.  It was just me welcoming blog writing into the 21st century, thank you very much. Just me catching up with the times, skipping the fuss of synapses firing or misfiring, all the hemming and hawing, the rewrites, and the polishes. And the second-guessing.  Don't get me goin' about the second-guessing.  I mean, the beauty is if AI says this is my finished product, then, damnit, it's my finished product.  Finally, all the messy stuff has been completely taken out of the equation. Finally, I'm one with AI.  Gotta say, I'm pretty jazzed here...

Huh, upon further review, there is just one little snag, one little fly in the creative ointment, so to speak.  It seems there's still the chore of my having to create a new topic every two weeks, and although that may sound trivial, it can oftentimes be a pretty big hurdle. So maybe, being as I've already done the aforementioned heavy lifting--ya know, that whole over 100 blogs thing and all--AI could glean from them and generate topics in my style for all future pieces?... Alrighty then, it's settled: AI, please come up with both the topic and a minimum 750-word accompanying blog, "in the style of" Jim Guzzo, to be published every other Friday at clichesnark.com... Thanks, AI, you/we're the best.