Got A Lot On My Plate Today

So much to do today so forgive me if I wrap this up quick and get out of Dodge early. First order of business?... Head over to the nearby donut shop and scarf down a few of those sugar-coated, freshly-glazed, heart-attack-inducing little widow makers. The ones that get your blood sugar doin' handstands. A bit later on and I'll be rustlin' up some chicken. And not just any chicken. Rotisserie chicken. Nothing else will suffice 'cause if it's not on a spit I just won't commit. And for dessert? You guessed it... ice cream. And it's gotta be Rocky Road, the one and only path my dessert taste buds will take to Flavorville. And finally, crammed into this crazy-busy day?... I'm gonna look up my pal, Bubba, and take him out for a beer and make sure he realizes just how good a friend he's been to me through the years. And the reason for all this is simple: It's June 2nd. Ahh, so now you get it, right?... Yeah, didn't think so.

Okay, for all the uninformed (which included me up until a few minutes ago), today is the day we're supposed to nationally recognize doughnuts, rotisserie chicken, rocky road (both the ice cream and the dessert}, leaving the office early and of course... Bubba. For realz. I know, crazy right? So like there's no appetite left for National Succotash Day? Did they run out of excuses for National My Dog Ate My Homework Day? Couldn't give National Take A Champion Boxer to Lunch Day a fighting chance? So yeah I'm being facetious but hard to tell, right? I mean, they sound as crazy (not to mention, random) as the actual five recipients for today's award, which begs so many questions. For instance, who's in charge of this stuff? Five seems like so many; isn't there a limit? Do the creators of these national days think anyone is taking them seriously?

In reality, the United States recognizes only 10 days as national holidays. Ya' know, the big ones: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, etc. Add 44 government-sanctioned national observances: Flag Day, Mothers/Fathers Day per example and that's it. Sure, sometimes the House or Senate will pass a resolution, like the time President Reagan proclaimed a National Ice Cream Day declaring it a "nutritious and wholesome food" (obviously before nutrition labels made the scene) but that's only for the one year. Regarding the rest, the superabundance of inane days in search of an audience? The part where sensibility was kicked to the curb in favor of fatuous promotional propaganda designed to put a spotlight on everything from sweatpants to bubble wrap with an abundance of foods--oh so many foods!--in between? Yeah, that "all-you-can-eat" smorgasbord of tripe was a product of good ol' fashioned greed.

From what I could glean online there are dozens of different calendars pushing a myriad of national days--some shared, others specific to their particular affinity--the one garnering the most ink being National Day Calendar created by Marlo Anderson which has upwards of 2,000 entrees yearly (so I guess today's measly five is no big deal). Interesting, too, how one gets their special day on Marlo's magic calendar. It seems that he receives some 18,000 submissions annually, whittling the finalists down to a mere 30. And by the way, it's not free (ahh, you saw that coming?). According to a 2016 website article, they charge anywhere from $2,300 to $4,500 to proclaim your national day and add it to the calendar. Looking for more current info (and expecting prices had to have risen significantly in seven years), I gave 'em a call only to find they were reluctant to give out numbers as each entry fee depends on the date, the type of day requested and the customization of said day. In other words... cha-ching!!

Indeed, as it stands there is no limit as to how many of these days they can keep cramming onto the calendar. And in answer to the query "Who's in charge?"... Seemingly everybody who can find a way to make a buck on it and yet nobody when it comes to national regulation. Also, as to whether or not these calendar creators think anyone is taking them seriously?... Most definitely: the people forking out the dough for their national day. And everyone else, well that's pretty much irrelevant, isn't it? So yeah, now that I know the real story there's no reason to leave the office early for donuts, chicken and ice cream. And truth be told, I've never even met anyone named Bubba. And the only calendar that matters is my calendar where I see that today is my son's birthday. Happy birthday, Sean.