Don’t Even Think About It!
It started a while back. Gradually. This nagging feeling that something was missing from my blogs. Something real. Something tangible. And yet, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. And, yeah, I get that I’ve just offered up a big, fat, juicy pitch for you to knock out of the park. Something in the neighborhood of, “How about a fully actualized idea for a change?” Or, “Ever thought of exhibiting a bit of cleverness once in a while? That and a modicum of humor, maybe an iota of intellect?”… Nice. Thanks for the feedback. Real helpful. For the record, that kind of stuff hurts. Just sayin’. So anyway, all kidding aside (you were kidding, right?), it got to a point where I realized there needed to be more. Some kind of add-on, that when attached on a regular basis to each publication, gives it more cache. Ya know, a certain validity. A soundness. A real sense of gravitas. Or, at a minimum, a cause for a, “Huh, I’ll be damned” from the reader.
So, where’s this all coming from? Why the second-guessing now?... Turns out, it’s all about time served. The fact is, I’ve been writing these bi-weekly pieces for quite a while. Talkin’ almost five years. By my count, that’s somewhere around 120 concepts I’ve had to come up with and flesh out, all within my self-Imposed deadline. Everything from the half-life of a phone conversation or the ick factor of oversharing strangers at a party to the “butterfly effect” and the “infinite monkey theorem”. And, oh yeah, let’s not forget my attempts at getting AI to do my writing for me (on second thought, let’s forget). So, anyway, all this got me to thinking that, hey, I’ve put in my time; I’m established. Kinda. Sorta. And once something’s established, be it a plumbing outfit, a marketing entity, a law firm, or hell, even a bi-weekly blog, it’s time to get serious. Time to sink or swim. Time to make the donuts. And that’s when it hit me: What could be more serious than a good, old-fashioned disclaimer?... That’s it; that’s what was missing. Damnit, this blog needs a disclaimer!
“This copyrighted telecast is presented by authority of the Office of the Commissioner of Baseball. It may not be reproduced or retransmitted in any form, and the accounts and descriptions of this game may not be disseminated without express written consent.”… Whoa, now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a disclaimer. Granted, it’s been tweaked over the years but, all in all, the gist remains the same. And, growing up as a kid, I used to conjure up my best announcer’s voice and recite it in unison with the radio or TV broadcaster each and every time, much to the chagrin of everyone around me. All those twenty-five cent words strung together in such a matter-of-fact tone being spoken by the guys in the stadium booth who I’d come to know and love, every single game?... yeah, that was heady stuff.
That blanket statement really got it done. Really added some major league authority to the equation (pun intended). It was saying, in no uncertain words, “You mess with us, there’s gonna be one hell of a price to pay!” Oh yeah, ‘cause we’ve got lawyers. Men and women in fancy suits, coiffed to the nines, armed and ready with words like “heretofore” and “indemnifying parties”. Hell, maybe even a little “force majeure” just to let you know we mean business. Just to show you that we’re coming after you for damages, be it compensatory, consequential or emotional. And possibly a little punitive to add insult to injury, along with some pain and suffering just because we can. That’s right, people, we’re talkin’ “get off my lawn, ‘cause my dog bites!” ramifications. So, yeah, that’s just what this blog needs. An authoritative kick in the butt to anyone who dares to think they can impinge on my rights. Can I get an “Amen!”?
Funny, right, how an idea can be so inaccessible, and yet, upon making the scene, suddenly seem so obvious. So perfectly simple. So, there you have it, all I need to do is position said legal statement up front before I start my blog. Something short and sweet, and yet packing a punch, letting the reader know, in no uncertain terms, that, hey, this guy means business. Ergo, maybe there’s something to him after all. Maybe he’s actually someone worth checking out… And so, after careful deliberation with a phalanx of lawyers and trusted confidants (I tried talking to MLB, but they wouldn’t return my calls), I give you my new foolproof, totally ironclad disclaimer:
“The following blog is presented by the authority of Joseph (Jim) Guzzo Jr. and really shouldn’t be reproduced in any form without the express written consent of the heretofore mentioned guy. Any breach of this could result in damages of the compensatory, consequential or punitive nature to the indemnifying party. However, in the event of a force majeure, negotiations in the form of a case of decent Cabernet Sauvignon (Napa Valley preferred) could go a long way in mitigating the possible penalties incurred.”