Bein' Benjamined
I actually said “once in a blue moon” the other day. It was one of those situations where I was “chewin’ the fat” with a friend I’ve known for a “dog’s age”. “If memory serves me correctly”, it was in reference to how often I’d gone back to my “old stompin’ grounds”, ya know, the “neck of the woods” where I grew up. I have to admit, I was “caught unawares” that I’d used such an outdated phrase but my buddy was “all ears”, inquiring, “Who are you… Grandpa Walton?”, the “elephant in the room” being that we both knew I hadn’t a clue about blue moons, how often they make the scene or why they’re blue, and yet, there I was, “showing my true colors”, my meteorological ignorance on full display with an idiom dating back to “who knows when”… the “days of yore”?
My apologies for being too on the nose in the last paragraph, just my heavy-handed attempt at emphasizing how old idioms still seem to permeate our language. Odd, right, how these truly outdated sayings somehow manage to circumvent their expected shelf life with no apparent fear of retribution. I blame the dissemination process: our grandparents pass it down to our parents, who pass it down to us, and we, in turn, get our kids hooked at an early age. Also, the vast majority of idioms, with their mixture of triviality and good old-fashioned quaintness, tend to keep themselves well under the radar, lolling about in the “no harm, no foul” zone. Again, most, but not all. There are a few out there that are anything but inconsequential. One, in particular, finds itself in my crosshairs.
“Being nickel and dimed”, how cute is that phrase, right? The way it conjures up those minuscule parts of a dollar, presented as coins, all mingling together in your pocket, making their own little musical jingling sound when you walk. Hardly a concern, these innocuous little discs, on the verge of suffering the same plight as their counterpart, the penny, being discontinued and eventually finding their way into large collection bottles stored in dusty cellars and cobwebbed attics all across the country. Again, it’s an old expression and one we’re very familiar with, its definition being “situations where minor, incremental costs accumulate over time to create a large overall expense”. So, what’s my deal; why am I taking this petty, little saying to task? I’ll tell you why, because its insidiousness lies in its perceived harmlessness. It’s purposely playing down its key role in minimizing the damage it does to all of us and I, for one, am not about to take it lying down.
So yeah, do I sound like a guy who just purchased a new laptop thinking his hours of scoping out the best deal to provide himself with a device designed to meet his needs while not shredding his budget only to discover at the store that Office Home 2024 for Windows 11--tools necessary to actually write this blog--isn’t included (even though it always used to be) and that it will now cost him some $200 extra?... Maybe. And do I think the term “being nickel and dimed” falls woefully short of accurately describing my fall from grace with my bank account and how the aftermath of this debacle will forever cause me distress whenever I seek to make a mid-to-large-cost purchase again?... Yep. And do I feel it’s high time we kicked this pint-sized nickel-and-dime idiom to the curb and redressed the matter with something more befitting?... You betcha’!
Look, I know my one-time laptop purchase fiasco doesn’t qualify as an out-and-out smoking gun designed to put “nickel and diming” away for life without the possibility of parole. But my experience was no outlier; examples are rampant: you pay for your hotel only to see your final tally inflate dramatically with resort fees, wi-fi fees, taxes and parking expenses. Likewise, your plane tickets balloon once you add in baggage, seat selection and in-flight food and drink fees. The same goes for the purchase of a new car, the sticker price failing to include, taxes, registration, extended warranties and whatever the hell’s up with that undercoating. And yeah, I could go on about your cable company, your phone provider, or the mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma that is your monthly bank statement but you get the point: it’s not about petty change anymore; we’re talkin’ hundreds. That’s right, C-notes, hundos… Benjamins.
So, here’s the deal: the best way to put a stop to this shady behavior is to shine a bright light on it. It’s time we call out these scamming entities and let ‘em know they don’t get to charge us an arm and a leg for so-called incidentals under the guise of “nickel and diming” ‘cause we know what they’re really up to; we know when we’re “bein’ Benjamined”.