Beam Me Up, Bezos
It took a while, but I finally reconciled myself to the fact that the whole notion of everyone getting around in flying cars ain't gonna happen. Granted, we have the technology, but pulling off the logistics is about as probable as getting Brad and Jennifer back together to attend a Pink Floyd reunion concert. In Angelina Jolie's backyard. With Jon Voight and Billy Bob Thornton, serving refreshments. And when you stop and think about it, how crazy was this notion to begin with? I mean, the prospect of tons of heavy metal and glass moving at breakneck speed capable of crashing at any moment, only to plunge to earth and, well... break your neck, actually, should be cause enough to forego mayhem and death for something a bit more user-friendly.
So, yeah, we can do better. Instead of taking our cue from the Jetsons, maybe we up our game, join Captain Kirk and the USS Enterprise, and Klingon to the transporting biz (sorry, couldn't help it). With our current advances in quantum mechanics and the burgeoning AI industry, we should be on the cutting edge of beaming each other up, down and sideways! So, in lieu of discovering just how accurately one can get their rocket design team to replicate that portion of the male anatomy that seemingly has a mind of its own--with the sole purpose of allowing billionaire socialites to get the inside skinny on what it feels like to have carnal knowledge with the cosmos--maybe Jeff Bezos should stick a little closer to home.
Granted, Amazon Prime is currently at the tip of the spear when it comes to the home delivery game, oftentimes getting you your CeraVe Daily Moisturizing Lotion, Amazon Echo Dot or Ninja AF101 Air Fryer (all top ten faves, I assure you) in less time than Domino's takes to screw up your pizza order, let alone deliver it. But, in today's world, where developments seem to happen exponentially, business is forced to constantly reinvent itself to stay alive. So, if these guys are smart, they'll take a page from ExxonMobil, BP and Shell, who, after enjoying a century of pretty much printing their own money, finally realized the clock was ticking for the oil industry and that it was high time they invest heavily in alternative energy sources or suffer the irony of becoming a fossil themselves.
Indeed, the plan is simple: Bezos and his minions abort their goofy "Celebs Lost in Space" program and, instead, invest their billions in R&D to invent a teleportation device that'll beam all their products immediately into the homes of their customers, thus eliminating the onslaught of utility vans and trucks clogging up our neighborhoods. Even more importantly, it'll give Gen Z and Alpha the kind of instant gratification they've been clamoring for since they left the womb. And the cherry on top?... it'll jettison the 3D printing industry, ya know, the brainiacs who combine Computer-Aided Design software with polypropylene and metal-filled filaments, wait three weeks and then bust out in revelry over their newly minted spatula.
Okay, before you bring up the obvious, that delivering products to your home literally borne out of the ether, while being pretty cool, is a far cry from the topic of replacing flying cars, just hang on, it's part of the plan, the interim step, if you will. Once all the bugs are ironed out and the transportation of actual things gets perfected, it'll be time to get down to business, the business of beaming us all up. The first campaign will probably be Amazon, teaming up with the travel industry, advertising something like breakfast in Paris, lunch in Rome and dinner at the Pyramids, ya know, like one of those high-end Viking Cruise type deals for the ultra-rich, as the initial cost'll be out of this world. And, yeah, they'll be the same customers who were on the space voyages, but this'll be different 'cause this is something the rest of us can visualize ourselves eventually actually doing.
Cut to: Innumerable transports followed by innumerable price cuts and then, finally, just like what happened with the HD TV industry, teleportations will be selling for a song, and we'll all be beaming in and out of each other's lives willy-nilly, to wherever we want whenever we want, flying cars be damned. And, sure, we'll have to deal with some fallout, like people beaming in unannounced or accidentally going to the wrong address, scaring the bejesus out of strangers. And, yeah, there'll be the occasional instance when someone passes out drunk at a frat party only to wake up in Machu Picchu clad in nothing but his birthday suit, open-toed sandals and a ninja headband, compliments of his classmates, but that's just high jinx; it's what college kids do.